"We get what we give and we attract what we are, right? I think so. Does weird shit occasionally happen for no meaningful reason? Maybe, but the vast majority of the time I believe life is responding to our energy. Bless the moment when I finally realized that I am 100% responsible for my life and that playing the victim was never going to get me anywhere. That moment changed the course of my life. I decided to be the heroine of this story, not the victim. That realization gave me back my power to manifest. I woke up to the idea that I really could create my reality based on my actions, reactions, intentions, thoughts and energy and that has made all the difference."
In December of 2012 I decided I wanted a voice in this world. I wanted to write and I wanted to be heard. So, I started...
I’ve spent my whole struggling with jeans. My ass and thighs just don’t like being stuffed in regular jeans. Period. I’ve lived through one too many days stuffed in jeans that made me wish my body was different than it is.
I just passed this book at the bookstore and it made me cringe. I walked around for a bit before I realized why. The thought of not working all the time made me sad. Hah! 15 years ago, back when I fucking hated every single moment I spent at work, I might have even bought this book. Today, that title made my soul hurt.
This unkept earth and wild water wash away my successes, my sass, and my silver tongue along with my failures, my hang ups, and my chaos. I lose myself out here; it’s scary and it’s wonderful. When I’m in nature, I want to let go...let go, let go, let go.
I want to shake shit up and start things that matter. I want to be a good mama and good friend. I want time to breathe and I want the energy and strength to kick ass and make this life count for something. I want all of this and call me crazy, but I think it’s possible
This is my public vow to say “fuck it” more often ...to drop it all, turn off my phone and hide from the world when my vision gets cloudy so that the busyness and the bullshit doesn’t ever become normal to me.
I get asked so often how I stay looking and feeling so young. I don’t know that I really look that young (it’s more of an energy thing with me, I think) but either way, this was my answer: I pay really close attention to the water I drink and bathe in because I wholeheartedly believe it’s more important than most of us realize,
Sometimes it feels good, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes we’re all bliss and magic, and sometimes we’re just fucking not. It’s okay! You’re not doing something wrong, you’re just living life as a human and with that comes a lot of not-so-perfect moments.
And damn it feels good when you finally get away. You know what I hate- I hate when you talk yourself into going back because you forgot how hard it was to get out of that cage. Ugh, that brutal feeling when the addiction sinks its claws in and you remember...
So, we’ve talked about the family budget. But what about the big stuff..a new bike, a go cart- the fun things that go far beyond the regular budget.
We were really struggling with feeling like our kids didn’t value their things and that they really had no understanding of the value of things or how they get paid for. I was tired of the grocery store toy aisle battle- it gets old! So, we started giving the kids a budget for their clothes and miscellaneous stuff each month. All of their basic hygiene, nutrition, lessons, sports, schooling, books, and wellness needs are NOT included in that budget. This budget is for clothes and extra stuff they want.
I posted a photo of our 13-year-old doing her end of the month calculations. She handles our household grocery budget each month. I was shocked at how many messages I got telling me she was too young to have so much responsibility. They labeled me a lazy mom and I took it as a compliment (though I’m not sure that’s how it was meant lol).
It’s been an intense week. To top it off, it’s an absolutely beautiful day outside and I’d been inside all day- not my favorite. The combo was making me grumpy. So, I decided to drop everything and take my naked ass outside- plan: enjoy some sunshine and a book.
Don’t waste time. Do things that are going to make this world a better place. You’re going to have these wild babies someday and you’re going to love them and it’s gonna scare the shit out of you that you’ve brought them into this world. Start now. Fight to make this world better for them.
The thing is: if you don’t tell the truth, someone is eventually going to tell it for you and in the meantime, your soul is going to die a little with each lie. Truth never stays hidden. It’s a universal law and no, your secrets aren’t special...they’ll find their way to the surface eventually.
I write to a world I’ll never see, to all the people who will cross my children’s path in their lifetime. I plant trees and herbs for the generations of wild children I won’t meet. I listen..because well, I believe that magic happens when we listen, try to understand and give people freedom to be themselves.
What are those steps? I can’t tell you. Only you can answer that. And anyone who says they can tell you is full of shit. Stop seeking the answers outside of yourself- that’s how we got in this mess. Go direct!!!
I used to watch empowered people with such envy. I so desperately wanted what they had. I would sit in my dark corner of the world and watch all of these confident people walking by in all their strength and wonder what was wrong with me. They had the courage to walk in their truth and the power to create magic in their life and I so desperately wanted that.
I went into my adult life expecting so much. I had gathered all of these images from movies and books and media that told me what relationships should look like. I had created this long list of things that people should do for me, if they really loved me.
This past weekend, there was this moment when I looked up (for the first time in 10 years) and I could really see the life and love around me. I was surrounded by unconditional love, joy, creativity, truth, magic, real friends and true sisterhood! It fucking does exist!!! All of it!
I show up on here and babble about how I’m experiencing this strange life as a human, but I don’t know anything for certain and I’m certainly not an expert or a guru on life. I may never understand how I ended up with this many followers, but don’t let the numbers fool you: I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing here.
Haters are just hurting people and they are lashing out at you because your badassery and freedom make them regret the cage they let fear put them in. You can’t fix that and nothing you say will change their closed-mind.
You might make people uncomfortable,
even those you love the most and it will hurt. The masses will likely misunderstand you and as a result they will judge you and even lash out at you and you may have to walk alone sometimes.
If you’re about to hush your magic to keep the bitches from being jealous, don’t! If you’re about to silence your truth to keep the trolls and assholes at bay, don’t! If you’re about to act against yourself to keep the shitty relationships (you know, the ones you keep just to feed your ego and lick your insecurities), don’t!
We need our sisters and somewhere deep in your soul, we all know that. I don’t know what happened to us, but it’s time to look at it and chose something that serves us. We are powerful when we stand together! It’s time to stop using our magic to harm each other.
The moment I step back out into the wild, the cloud of business and bullshit lifts and I am reminded to breathe...really breathe! All the stories I have playing go silent and in that stillness I am everything and I am nothing.
I have conversations with my son, Leif, to be the detective of his own life. When one plays this cosmic game, you attentively discover your own mysteries and early whisperings that will lead you on the pathless path to where you want to be.
A woman about my age knocked on my car window tonight and asked for some money for food. She said she was homeless and then went on to tell me a little bit about herself. We ended up talking for a good long time before I had to get back on the road. Such a great conversation!
I have ample reasons to be sad, depressed, and pissed off. Actually, if I sat and thought about it, I have more reasons than most, but I don’t have time for that shit- I’m busy!
According to societies standards, I was far more beautiful in my 20s, but I don't see it that way. Sure, my body was younger and smoother and a bit perkier, but I was so caught up in judging myself that I couldn't see or enjoy any of it.