"We get what we give and we attract what we are, right? I think so. Does weird shit occasionally happen for no meaningful reason? Maybe, but the vast majority of the time I believe life is responding to our energy. Bless the moment when I finally realized that I am 100% responsible for my life and that playing the victim was never going to get me anywhere. That moment changed the course of my life. I decided to be the heroine of this story, not the victim. That realization gave me back my power to manifest. I woke up to the idea that I really could create my reality based on my actions, reactions, intentions, thoughts and energy and that has made all the difference."
But there are questions in me that need answers - hidden truths that my soul longs to uncover, art my hands came to create, projects only I can birth, and I'd have to medicate myself to silence them. Yea, I don't much like pills and alcohol doesn't suit me; I suppose I'll have to keep moving forward.
I'm with the dirty mouth girls. The ones with bare feet, brilliant minds, messy hair, wild hearts and feisty spirits. The ones who aren't afraid to speak up and who live for doing what they've been told is impossible.
What's the purpose of it all? Do we have soulmates to find, a destiny? Is there something specific we are each supposed to do here before we return to the whole? I used to spend so much time trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing here and then I realized it was all some sort of strange dream that I was taking way too serious.
I don't wake up to an alarm, push myself due to deadlines or move faster because I have boss trailing my ass. I wake up and push myself forward in response to a deep calling within me to speak up, to write, to be a bridge, to love...to create.
If not, you're showing up just hear yourself talk and you are doing more harm than good. You cannot ask people to defend what they do not love. Guess what, no-one gives a flying fuck what you know or how "important" you sound.
Balance! Finding my balance and my personal rhythm seems to be the theme of this year, for me. My feisty spirit plows through things and I get a lot of shit done that way. But I literally never stop. I don't rest...ever!
And I WANT clean water. I want the best foods ever! I want herbs and medicinal mushrooms. I seek out those things not so that I can live longer or look better; I go out of my way to do those things because they add magic to my day, inspire me and open my mind, which in turn gives me the ability to do the work I was sent here to do.
I'm another year older today. That doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, I guess. But this year feels significant to me. I lost a lot. I gained more. I cried more this year than I have in all my other years combined. I laughed... a lot!
That night, I wrote down all the ways I thought I had failed and all the ways I had been hurt. I didn't hold anything back. I told my full story...even the parts I hadn't been willing to tell myself and then I burned that bitch.
Okay, confession time...I don't really like being a mom. What??!! I'm sure I'm "supposed" to say that I love being a mom, it's the greatest honor of my life to steward these two souls on their earth walk.
Let the truth piss you off, let your emotions have space to be, stop trying to run from your place in the natural rhythm of life, allow nature to make you sticky and uncomfortable because all of those things are part of you and they are so desperately trying to get through your walls and set you free.
Faith: To have a deep sense of trust in what cannot be seen. Proof or evidence is not needed. Rather it is an inner sense of knowing what guides you. I woke up this morning and felt a sense of warmth and comfort that I haven't felt in some time. That peace came from a place of trust.
I recently sat down and looked over the times in my life when I have hidden things from people I love. I'm so glad I did because what I realized is: My inner compass is really strong. I'm not easily manipulated, I've never been a push over or a follower and I don't do things unless I get a really strong feeling that it's what I'm supposed to be doing.
This is for all the spiritual beings out there who genuinely want to make a difference in the world. Let us start by saying, we're all glad you care and it's wonderful that you see clearly the need for change. Realizing that there's a problem is half the battle.
You have laughed at the mother, shamed the lover, and judged the wild woman. You have called the healer a witch and openly turned from our earth mothers ancient remedies and the gifts she holds.
Life is a wild, dynamic state of ever-expanding conscious and absolute perfection is an illusion. With this in mind, I invite you to take this as an honoring to all of the wild women out there who are fearless, and living in truth.
I could spend all day talking about how twisted up things are. I could also go on and on about how corrupt the system is. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I could easily write a book on the current state of the planet and how desperate the situation has become.
When I feel unappreciated, the air reminds me that some of life's treasures go unnoticed. When I'm unsure which path to take, the reflection on the river reminds me either direction has beauty. When I feel guilty about all the good I have, the sky reminds me I can share it with the world.
We're so isolated. Everything we do, we do alone. Most of us don't have a tribe. Why? I don't know the answer to that, but I know it's real for many of us. In the past, I lived near neighbors I had never even met, passed the same people in the grocery store or park for years and never stopped to introduce myself.
She has the power to rip open the earth while at the same time tickle your skin with her soft blades of grass. She is all-knowing and our most valuable teacher. Her lessons in darkness and light, winter and summer, day or night are teaching us balance. With the come and go of her seasons she teaches us about life and death and that nothing is linear but part of a whole.
The world seems hell bent on bombarding us with negativity. If we allow it to, it will suck us dry and leave us with little to no energy or time to see all of the goodness being created around us. No doubt, there’s certainly a lot of crazy shit happening in the world. But there's an equal amount of magic and beauty being created, as well.
To finally feel home, to feel whole, to feel okay. We are searching for that other person, that second half. We are just spending time, wasting time, focusing our thoughts on who it might be. Daydreaming about where in the world they might be right now, and how THEY will save us soon.
I walked by a shop window last week and had to do a double take at my reflection. I paused for a brief moment to explore this wild, confident, fierce woman in the window. I laughed out loud and whispered to myself, “who are you and when did you arrive?”
Grateful, but in the same breath, inadequate. How could I ever possibly live up to the task at hand? You see, my soul is not ascending. My soul has descended to come here and live out this life. Old soul is not an adequate description of me.
Whenever I have been sad or in pain, I have been so quick to try and fix it. When my loved ones are hurting, I usually hide from it or try to frantically go in a mode to mend them. In the past, I didn’t really listen and allow people around me to hurt because I was so busy looking for a solution and telling them it’s going to be okay.
I traveled with a friend recently and she said to me: “Did everything in your bath/beauty bag come from your kitchen?” I hadn’t ever thought about it before, but yes, almost everything I use to care for my body can be found in the kitchen or garden.