What kind of parenting style do you use?
Someone asked me that very question the other day and it has resulted in a great deal of thought as to how I could ever answer that question.
I am not really qualified to tell anyone how to parent (no one is qualified to tell anyone else how they should parent, but I will save that conversation for another time:) I am certainly not the person to tell you what the different parenting styles are because I honestly don’t know. That being said, this is my attempt at explaining my/our parenting style in the hope that maybe someone will find it helpful.
Holy Flow Parenting
I want my children to have FREEDOM!
Freedom to learn, play, explore and discover without my constant-unsolicited opinions and input.
Playtime and time in nature takes top shelf priority status in this home. The laundry, school, dishes and scattered toys can wait especially if they are deep in a wonderful, creative mud city outside.
We do school just the way we do everything else in our life. We flow! We listen and we wait and when the time is right we learn just what we were meant to learn in that day, week, month, year. I have no desire to recreate the classroom at home, I want the setting to be natural and non-formal so that learning is never looked at as something we do and then stop. There isn’t homework and assignments and then you can play as if to say that learning is work.
Play is work, learning is play, life is learning!!
Freedom/ Holy Flow parenting is about never choosing what’s easy over what’s best for these babies. It’s about deciding to embrace and enjoy these years while they are under this roof instead of just surviving it until they have moved away. It’s about choosing daily to be present in this moment and putting all of my energy around the honor of getting to care for and raise these amazing human beings.
You only get one shot, there is no pause and rewind button on childhood.
I have come to realize that my children are supposed to be different then me and that’s good, and healthy. I don’t need them to have all the same views, personality traits and opinions as me. They are here for their own personal journey that really has very little to do with who I am.
My identity is not wrapped up in my children. I am here to be there mama and I have given myself to that work, given but not lost. I am my own person, a person with a whole host of things that I am meant to do in this life. My children are part of who I am, but they are not all that I am. I don’t believe we can be of any service to anyone if we put our happiness and identity into the hands of anyone other then ourselves.
Parenting has been about constantly learning and finding new ways to communicate with my children as to avoid ever having to cave into the use of phrases like “because I said so” or “I am the parent and you are the child so just do as I say”
It’s the knowing that in this role as mama or caregiver my voice and actions toward these little ones has staying power and my voice and the energy I put toward them can be a confidence building tool or a great weapon. I take that very SERIOUS. Just because I’m the mother, that doesn’t automatically give me some justified right to be mean.
Parenting will test every ounce of inner strength you have. I think birth is perfectly designed to help us prepare for being mama. I remember leaving the birthing center after having our first child with this knowing that I had more courage and endurance than I had ever dreamed. I had found this powerful and intuitive women in me that I didn’t know was there.
The ability to admit I’m wrong has been one of my greatest gifts in helping me find ways of reaching my kids that did work. We are all human and sometimes it comes down to be able to let go of pride to say we are sorry and admit that we are wrong.
There is no book on parenting for your children, there is only you- you getting in touch with you, your inner guides and your children.
So far this journey as mama has been about listening, changing and pushing myself forward as a parent and individual until I find or get back into that beautiful Holy Flow where I always find the strength and answers I need.
If ever a new parent or guardian were to ask me to give my best parenting advice, it would be this:
Dig deep and find your inner strength, stay grounded, take time to listen and get in that Holy Flow. Remember to seek out and give thanks for the magic and beauty in each day as a caregiver to these beautiful beings, because that magic is always there.
Finding “magic” in this ordinary day as me! #barefootfive