I went into my adult life expecting so much. I had gathered all of these images from movies and books and media that told me what relationships should look like. I had created this long list of things that people should do for me, if they really loved me.
As a result, most of the time I felt like I wasn’t getting what I required for my body or my soul to thrive. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself.
People are supposed to bring you flowers and chocolate on certain days. Our loved ones should care enough to know when your body isn’t well or we need to rest.
Your partner should know what your soul is needing before you say it if they are your soulmate. If your friends really cared about you they would plan a girls night out and invite you. The list goes on and on and it’s all such a trap. Have you ever heard the quote, "Expectation is the root of all heartache”? Ugh, it’s so true, isn’t it?
Those words shifted how I approach my soul tending and self-care, in this life.
After meditating on those words, I started the slow journey to understanding my needs. I had spent so many years hoping someone would nurture me that I didn’t even know what I needed in order to feel nurtured.
I sat down, that day, and made a list of all of the stories I had been playing in my head. I wrote downfall of the areas where I had not been nurturing myself because I was waiting for someone else to do it. I created a safe space to be truthful and admit that some part of me had enjoyed playing the victim. I got real and wrote down the times when I had expected things from people and then felt heartbroken when they didn’t live up to my unrealistic expectations.
From that moment on, I stopped subscribing to the story that someone else would be coming to save me and I started fighting for myself. I decided to change and so I did. I took back my power.
I planted a garden that year for the very first time. A garden filled with all of my favorite herbs and flowers. Instead of waiting for my ‘Beast’ to arrive and surprise me with a library, I asked my partner to help me build a small library nook.
I started taking myself on dates and making myself homemade chocolate. I made treats for myself that looked like something from a gourmet restaurant. I took long baths and watched the sunset more often. I didn’t wait around for someone to take me on adventures, I just went…I hunted wild water, I camped, I went climbing, I learned new things... I did things I had wanted to do for years. I made love as if my life depended on it, not because I wanted to be a pleasing partner, but because I am a Goddess and sex is good for my soul. I planned spontaneous overnight getaways and girls nights out with my sisters. I started dating myself and showered myself in love magic.
At the end of that year, I wrote these words in my journal.
Be the heroine of this story, not the victim. It’s there as a reminder. Whenever I start falling back into old patterns, I say these words out loud. When I start feeling sorry for myself, I remind myself of who I am. I am not a half. I am whole within myself and I have everything I need to nurture this body and soul. It’s not selfish to take care of myself, it’s selfish not to.
My Manta: You are magic, wild one! Stop waiting for someone to come save you. This is your life. Own it! Walk in your power. Fall in love with yourself. Make love, eat fancy chocolate and buy yourself that dress you’ve been wanting. Be the heroine of your story.
Take care of you!
Originally published on The Nabalo Lifestyle